Last year was the start of an emotional breakdown that still went on until this year. In 2010, I fell in love with a guy, one that I hoped to find one day. It happened so quick, I didn’t realize he was the one I wished for. We were always together in our senior year of high school and continued on for the first year of college. I was scared that one day, he would stop talking to me every night. *First tear drops as I write this* My heart would be in full exhilaration when we would speak. You can say my anxiety started because of not talking to him all the time. In my second semester of college, I experience the dread of depression and anxiety. It was so new to me that I didn’t know how to deal with it. One moment I would be happy, then the next, I would want to lock myself into a closet and weep. It still happens, but not often. This guy was my everything, as the saying goes. I didn’t want to give up, hoping that one day we would be together.
There came a night when we enhanced our feelings for each other. He and I both said how much we liked each other. I was thrilled, nothing could make me happier. It was over Facebook and over Facebook he told me he didn’t like me anymore. I asked him when was the next time he was going to be in town so I can hold his hand. He replied with, “To tell you the truth, I don’t like you anymore :p” I don’t think he understood the trauma that I went through that moment. Even though we weren’t a couple, I cried as if he broke up with me. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything. I demanded him to talk to me over the phone to tell me. My life stopped, and then came on the anxiety in full blast.
. My second and third semester of college was the worst time in my life. The biggest mistake I made was not giving my full potential to journalism. All I wanted to do was sleep. I fucking hate how I didn’t do my all, only because I was dreading over a guy. And yes, this is real. I’m not making this up, faking it, or trying to make you feel bad for me. All I’m doing is expressing what I’ve been through.
Now, all I can do is keep trying to forget about my affection I had for him. I can’t think of him being with another woman, let alone go through the day he will have a girl friend and post pictures of them kissing. I’m really trying, I really am.
This song is the only thing that he really helping me get over him. I’ve cried over night to make me fall asleep. This guy… he was my answer to my prayer. Or so I thought he was. I’ve come to the realization to stop dreaming of the kind of guy I want to be with. He isn’t going to come true, because the one I come across will be real.
There’s a guy that I like right now. And the only way I knew that I actually do was because of the time when my heart felt like it was going to go up my throat when I saw him. That’s something that only went on with…him. I decided to not make a guy first than my carer. The majority of my attention should be going toward that, so I can be where I want to be in life. A guy can only give me so much, but journalism can give me something more. Journalism first, guy second. My career will save me, giving me adventures I never dreamed of. All I need to do is hustle for it, working hard. The next step in my journalism career is learning about radio broadcasting. I now have a radio show on my college campus. For two years I studied print media in the college newspaper, served one semester as a staff writer, and three semesters as editor. Radio is the next big thing for me. It’s something that was always in the back of my mind.
Just like Robin, she gave up a lot of her life for journalism, and found someone great. (Will they still be together in the end of the season? Let’s just say they did, for the purpose of this post haha).
Let’s get this started.